I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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