I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
