I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
