I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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