i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
