End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
