Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize