Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
