Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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