Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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