dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
