So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize