i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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