I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Randomize
