so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize