I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
