Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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