How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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