counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
