in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Are we still banned from the library?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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