I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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