oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
