Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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