I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
