My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
