I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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