so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
