he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
