I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
