It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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