I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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