doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
