kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
