So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
