Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dignity is for republicans.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize