When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize