he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
