i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
is wine microwaveable?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
