forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
