I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
