Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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