why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
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We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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