we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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