She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
