the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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