dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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