I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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