winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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