I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
