He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
