Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
