Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
