I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
