margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
