We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
