Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
