I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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