im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
