But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
