I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
