oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
