Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk is not a location!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
