2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why didn't you poke me back
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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