it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
