I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
