Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I need water and some morals
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
