Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
