Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
