i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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