You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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