I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
