Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
