i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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