Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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