at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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