the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
two words...techno handjob
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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