How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
